Pathetic and self indulgent post here

**mylittledemon** · #1 09-18-2005, 08:24 AM

Ok to make a long story short.....my ex-girlfriend and I have not seen each other since late June of this year. She called me last night and left me a message wondering if we could get together for lunch or just to sit and get coffee. I was working so I didn't answer her call...i'm in the habit of putting her straight to voicemail when/and if she calls.

Problem is...I was trying to walk away from what's left between us. She's done some really ugly things to me, and I wasn't the best boyfriend either. But here is it Sunday morning, I woke up alone and I'm lonely right now. But I also know that's not a good reason to go. I really do miss her in truth, but I don't want to get wrapped up in the "stew" of us again. I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?

Mad4stevie · #2 09-18-2005, 08:44 AM

My advice would be to go, but only if you can keep control over your emotions to prevent yourself from getting back into the drama. I have struggled with this kind of situation many times, and I learned to honestly evaluate myself as to whether or not seeing the person would be putting myself in a situation where I am tempted to slide back into an unhealthy situation.

If you feel strong enough to handle it, I would say go. Sometimes you can get perspective on your relationship and realize you don't want it anymore. People do change (good or bad), and sometimes it is helpful to see that. For example, I had a really difficult time getting over my college boyfriend. It took nearly seven years of thinking about him and wishing we could have worked it out to get me to the point where, when I spent time with him again, I realized he was not the same man that I had envisioned in my mind all those years. After that realization, I was able to move on.

Good luck!

goldie · #3 09-18-2005, 08:46 AM

Don't do it! Don't get drawn into it again .... (easier said than done, I know) ... but it's the only way to move on.

eclipse · #4 09-18-2005, 08:50 AM

Listen to your head and stay...
Or listen to your heart and go...
but what I am reading from your post, is that you really don't want to go through the drama again.
I think even your heart is telling you to stay

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.

You have my best wishes,

follow your heart, my friend.
For your head already knows the results of trying this relationship again.
And sadly, No, you cannot be friends...
(yet), that takes a lot of time apart.

**mylittledemon** · #5 09-18-2005, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eclipse

Listen to your head and stay...
Or listen to your heart and go...
but what I am reading from your post, is that you really don't want to go through the drama again.
I think even your heart is telling you to stay

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.

You have my best wishes,

follow your heart, my friend.
For your head already knows the results of trying this relationship again.
And sadly, No, you cannot be friends...
(yet), that takes a lot of time apart.

My head says not to go....
My heart says go...I think if anything, I need some closure. I think about this girl EVERYDAY. When I come home at night from work I wonder where she is and if she's ok. *sigh*.....decisions, decisions. Thanks guys.

GateandGarden · #6 09-18-2005, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eclipse

Keep in mind that distance and memories always make things look better than they really are or were.

That is so true.

If you can handle telling her and yourself that this is just a friendly thing because you wanted to see her, then by all means, go for it. If that is what you want, then I think you should. But consider how painful it may be because not a lot of time has passed since the breakup, comparatively. Maybe if you waited to see her at a later date, you may gain more perspective and see things more clearly. And you may realize why it's not something you want at all, like Heather said. Or maybe in your situation this is enough time for you to get some perspective. Maybe you have spent enough time apart that you can stand to spend a bit of time together without it being too dramatic. Only you know the best thing for you, but I understand how you feel because I've asked myself that question, too.

You can see what a great decision-maker I am, huh?

Best of luck with it, whatever you decide to do.

strandinthewind · #7 09-18-2005, 09:29 AM

Dude - ya gotta go. Maybe you can be friends later, but not now. Trust me, I've been there and it is just a one way ticket into a head trip you don't want to go on. Good Luck!!!!!

GODDESS6 · #8 09-18-2005, 10:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

My head says not to go....
My heart says go...I think if anything, I need some closure. I think about this girl EVERYDAY. When I come home at night from work I wonder where she is and if she's ok. *sigh*.....decisions, decisions. Thanks guys.

awwww how sweet of you~ i say go~

WildInTheWind · #9 09-18-2005, 10:57 AM

If it were me I would probably go. Then again, it depends on what happened in the relationship and why you guys aren't together. But maybe you should go just to check out why she wants to see you. If it were me, the curiousity alone would make me go!

Serendipity · #10 09-18-2005, 11:03 AM

I have to make an almost identical decision right now. My "head" advice would be dont go. Seeing someone who you miss and think about, it makes the reasons that you know are the right ones for not being together seem like they dont matter. But they do. If you know its going to be a headtrip and you dont want it, do the best thing for yourself and stay away. However, my "heart" advice would be, you dont know until you try. Maybe you can just be friends, maybe it'll lead to closure. But then, maybe not.

I give rubbish advice, I dont know what I want to do either if it helps tho. Whatever you decide, best of luck with it.

~Nicki

gldstwmn · #11 09-18-2005, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?

Stay. Unless you make it absolutely clear what your intentions are, you shouldn't see her. You don't sound too sure of what your intentions are.
It's very difficult to remain friends with someone you've been involved with. It can happen but I think a lot of time has to pass.

catinthedark · #12 09-18-2005, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

Ok to make a long story short.....my ex-girlfriend and I have not seen each other since late June of this year. She called me last night and left me a message wondering if we could get together for lunch or just to sit and get coffee. I was working so I didn't answer her call...i'm in the habit of putting her straight to voicemail when/and if she calls.

Problem is...I was trying to walk away from what's left between us. She's done some really ugly things to me, and I wasn't the best boyfriend either. But here is it Sunday morning, I woke up alone and I'm lonely right now. But I also know that's not a good reason to go. I really do miss her in truth, but I don't want to get wrapped up in the "stew" of us again. I'd rather us just be friends if possible. What could it hurt to just go see her? Should I stay or should I go?

First thing: you're neither pathetic nor self-indulgent. K?

My thoughts on your dilemma - I'd say sleep on it a bit longer. Nothing says you have to see her today, right? Right now, while you're feeling lonely and sad, it may not be the best time to see her. Let a little more time go by; remember the reasons you broke up, along with what was good. But don't forget why you broke up. It is hard, I know. The last guy I broke up with - things were so bad I was actually afraid to break up with him. I thought he'd be angry and mean - I even made sure my best friend called me at a specific time to make sure I was okay. In the end, he was so nice and so sweet, and at the end of it all, I was like "oh my God - did I do the worng thing???" It's hard to see through sadness and lonliness sometimes. But if you honestly believe that the relationship was not a good thing - if you weren't happier being with her - then don't fall back into it. You need distance to heal - and you will heal. And you'll find someone new who will make you happy.

Good luck.

GypsySorcerer · #13 09-18-2005, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gldstwmn

It's very difficult to remain friends with someone you've been involved with. It can happen but I think a lot of time has to pass.

I completely agree with this. I am currently *friends* with my ex, but every time we see each other, it's like old times.

IMO, being friends with an ex only works if the break-up was completely mutual and neither party wants to resume the relationship again. Rarely happens.

**mylittledemon** · #14 09-18-2005, 12:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GypsySorcerer

I completely agree with this. I am currently *friends* with my ex, but every time we see each other, it's like old times.

IMO, being friends with an ex only works if the break-up was completely mutual and neither party wants to resume the relationship again. Rarely happens.

I think you all have valid points. The last girl I was seriously involved with was from 1998 to 2001. The last time I saw her was January 2002. So from 1/02 to this point, we've just NOW gotten to where we can email each other and neither of us are resentful. She likes to know how my family is, and where I am, and what I'm doing. But it took a few years to get to that point.

I suppose the same is true here. Going back to the original topic........Well, I followed my heart (again) and I returned her call. She did not answer but I left her a voicemail and said it was ok if she wanted to go have a drink. No return call yet...

irishgrl · #15 09-18-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mylittledemon

I think you all have valid points. The last girl I was seriously involved with was from 1998 to 2001. The last time I saw her was January 2002. So from 1/02 to this point, we've just NOW gotten to where we can email each other and neither of us are resentful. She likes to know how my family is, and where I am, and what I'm doing. But it took a few years to get to that point.

I suppose the same is true here. Going back to the original topic........Well, I followed my heart (again) and I returned her call. She did not answer but I left her a voicemail and said it was ok if she wanted to go have a drink. No return call yet...

back to your first post: you said she called to ask if you could have lunch together or a cup of coffee. Isnt that something friends do? If that is what you want now, it also sounds like that is what SHE wants. She is probably just as conflicted as you are but she probably recognizes that she values you on some level just as you apparently do with her (especially if you think about her EVERY DAY!) If you are clear that friendship is as far as it goes, I think you have the potential to be great friends. after all, you both know each other very well. I wish you luck.....