Long Distance Relationships

daniellaaarisen · #1 11-22-2010, 06:39 AM

Any thoughts?

HejiraNYC · #2 11-22-2010, 10:05 AM

They don't work. They're a figment of ones imagination. If you *think* you are making it work, it means there is something fatally flawed about the relationship- the distance becomes the excuse not to be together rather than the obstacle.

Just being brutally frank.

Nikolaj · #3 11-22-2010, 11:31 AM

"I got a fever running through my blood night and day that will never fail,
and there's only one thing that's gonna satisfy me,
and you can't send it through the mail"--

from the 70s song 'Long Distance Love Affair'. Sooner or later, one person of the two will get h*rny and cheat,and the faithful one will feel pithed.

RickRobert · #4 11-22-2010, 11:34 AM

I have a friend who was in a long-distance relationship with an American dude for about three years. He came to visit and it was great, but a week or two afterwards the distance suddenly became too much for her and now they don't speak at all. Quite sad really...

ButterCookie · #5 11-22-2010, 11:40 AM

It murders me that I can't get to talk to my friends in the US and Scotland face to face, never mind considering a relationship

Fleetwoodmark · #6 11-22-2010, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ButterCookie

It murders me that I can't get to talk to my friends in the US and Scotland face to face, never mind considering a relationship

Good point.

Obviously it's a case by case basis but if you couldn't see someone you loved regularly I can only imagine would be pretty hard.

APerfectLie · #7 11-22-2010, 12:09 PM

I wouldn't say they never work, but I don't think they'd work for me. If you can't see eachother, you can't hang out, you can't cry on eachothers shoulder, you can't hug/kiss/have sex, then all you really have is talking on the phone and I'm not much for talking on the phone. But thats just me

GypsySorcerer · #8 11-22-2010, 12:35 PM

Unless it's a long-distance relationship for the VERY short term (like two or three months), I don't feel they're generally a very good idea.

In my own experiences, and from what I have observed from others', these types of relationships are riddled with guilt and resentment - be it guilt from missed important events or guilt for having fun or enjoying oneself without the other person; or resentment that the other person is getting along fine without you (or conversely, guilt if he/she is not).

Plus, it's this alternate experience that completely distorts reality. So when you're finally together, it's hard to adjust to a more conventional relationship.

Just not a good idea IMO.

vivfox · #9 11-22-2010, 01:10 PM

A long distance friendship can always work. A long distance (sexual) relationship, IMO is doomed.

However, there are some exceptions.

**mylittledemon** · #10 11-22-2010, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

Any thoughts?

I've tried it. Twice. Didn't work out.

BTFLCHLD · #11 11-22-2010, 02:13 PM

suck.

OT - nice pic brandon.

louielouie2000 · #12 11-22-2010, 03:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HejiraNYC

They don't work. They're a figment of ones imagination. If you *think* you are making it work, it means there is something fatally flawed about the relationship- the distance becomes the excuse not to be together rather than the obstacle.

Just being brutally frank.

+1. If you're even considering one, you're far too desperate for self-validation to even be relationship material. Nobody NEEDS to be in a relationship... just slow down and enjoy life, and stop trying to make round pegs fit in square holes!

I personally discovered that only once I was truly happy being alone and stopped seeking relationships altogether was I truly mentally ready for dating. Relationships aren't required for survival... but they do make life nicer if you find the right fit.

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.

Seriously Dani, just enjoy college. Soak up all the information and life lessons you can while you're there. Stop trying to bypass hurdles and just live life in the right here, right now. You'll enjoy yourself much more without putting these superfluous "necessities" on your agenda.

daniellaaarisen · #13 11-22-2010, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

+1. If you're even considering one, you're far too desperate for self-validation to even be relationship material. Nobody NEEDS to be in a relationship... just slow down and enjoy life, and stop trying to make round pegs fit in square holes!

I personally discovered that only once I was truly happy being alone and stopped seeking relationships altogether was I truly mentally ready for dating. Relationships aren't required for survival... but they do make life nicer if you find the right fit.

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.

Seriously Dani, just enjoy college. Soak up all the information and life lessons you can while you're there. Stop trying to bypass hurdles and just live life in the right here, right now. You'll enjoy yourself much more without putting these superfluous "necessities" on your agenda.

I wasn't asking about me specifically.

iamnotafraid · #14 11-22-2010, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by daniellaaarisen

I wasn't asking about me specifically.

But you could be the long distance winner.

jannieC · #15 11-22-2010, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by louielouie2000

Also, the human brain continues to grow and develop until you're 24. I don't think anybody can truly have a lasting relationship before the body and mind has fully matured. Yes, everyone thinks they're different and more mature when they're 18 than those who came before them... but let me tell you, nobody's immune to biology.

I totally disagree with you on this. I think there are many people who can form long lasting relationships (platonic and intimate) at this age.

My take on long distance relationships is this: if it's a short term situation with a plan at the end, it may be necessary. If it's ongoing and vague with no plan in sight, I think it can be doomed for an unpleasant ending.