Just made it home, I'm sad...No other way to describe how I am feeling.
Ending up crying at the beginning of the ceremony and at the end, If noone heard me they had to be deaf...simple as that, I broke down and cried like no other.
Had the songs "Rain" by Mai Yamane and "It Won't Rain All the Time" by Jane Siberry played as memorials...23rd Psalm was read which I think was appropriate, though neither of us were considered 'religious'.
The Pastor spoke of HOW MANY nurses had attended (Which led me to question, "if all the nurses from Grady are here, then WHO is actually working at the hospital?") and of course Dr.Hamilton (The doctor of Debbie and myself) who had grown a beard/mustache to look older than he is, and when I mentioned that to him his reply was "At least I won't be called Doogie Howser" - Uh-oh, Debbie must've told him about my Doogie Howser comment...I am so owned now, I think my next appointement will involve EXTRA syringes...EEK!!!!
She is now in a better place now, She left this hell (We both considered this CURRENT existence on Earth as hell, WHERE one goes in the afterlife is Heaven...) to be with other loved ones and left me behind to fend for myself...but I am still here, still hurt, sad, angry and ALONE.
To deal with the dreaded "Oct.22", I took liquid-paper and whited-out that date on EVERY calender I could find in the house...That day NO LONGER exists in my mind.
I am spent...
Brian j.
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