I just read this whole thread with tears in my eyes. I've sent you a PM, as I imagine many others have done, but I just wanted to again say that if you need someone around that understands a bit of where you are right now, I'm here.
I also lost someone very dear to me, very suddenly, just as he & I were finally recovered from our breakup and back to being best friends. One moment he was there, and then he wasn't - I lost my best friend, but more importantly... my kids lost their father. He loved them so very, very much, and they just didn't get enough time together.
But I guess there's never enough time for anyone when it comes to this, is there?
There are no words of consolation that anyone can speak that make it hurt less. I find that, even a few years later, the thing that brings me the most comfort is just talking about him, even if all I do is briefly mention how he was overly fond of strolling around the house singing "Rock Lobster" in a ridiculously high-pitched voice for no apparent reason and usually at completely inopportune moments.
In time, you will find that you are better equipped to
deal with the pain of it all, but it never goes away.
But even though it never goes away, with time you also realize that it's okay that it's there - because the pain is what allows you to always remember that she was real, how a great part of your life she was, and how much she meant to you. It's a testament to who she was, that her passing leaves such a gap, and though we all never want to have to deal with something like this, you realize that if it has to happen, then the pain you feel because of it is somehow its own blessing - it means that no matter how much time passes, she was monumental enough that you bear the imprint of her life on yours forever... and even though it seems like she's gone now, in that way, she never will be.
I don't know if there is a "reason" those we love die, but I am pretty sure that right there is the reason we
live.
Please be kind to yourself.
-Annie