brian, i am SO sorry about your loss. i know you feel alone, but you are not. just on the ledge you have so many people who care about you and want to make sure you're safe. please take it one day at a time. that's really all you can do. ask for help when you need it. i know the thought of finding out what exactly happened is keeping you focused right now, but when that goes away, please remember you are loved. i don't know why things like this happen, i honestly don't. i'm so sorry and please take care of yourself.
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