[estranged4life]

because last night I had to endure the worst feeling one can suffer through in their entire lives.

About a week ago my former wife Debbie and myself started talking about a reconciliation, and we started down that road over the weekend when I decided to move back home to be with her. All was happy and things were going great for us, we were happy as we once were years ago and life was to be great...

But last night at about 12am I heard a commotion outside the house (We lived on a "Dead End Street") but didnt think much of it. Theen I heard car door slam....Still thinking nothing of it. I decided to go check out the kitchen window to see who was making that noise outside.

I noticed a Carnegie PD patrol car and a OHP (Oklahoma Highway Patrol) outside and remembered what Debbie had told me just a few days earlier about how the Carnegie PD had someone stopped at the intersection just down the street. So I assumed that they had once again had someone stopped and decided "Eh, No big deal..." and I sat back down at the computer desk to finish a CDR I was working on...

When I heard a knock on the door, and not the type one wants to hear at this time of the night, especially when one had seen patrolmen outside their home. I jumped up to the door and said "Hold on a second" - so I could unlock the door and turn on the porch light.

I was asked by one patrolman to identify myself, Which I did, thinking to myself "Am I going to be arrested?". The officer then asked me if I knew a Debbie Johnson...And I knew exactly where this was going once the officers asked if they could come inside, they had news to tell me that they HATE delivering...

About 10:43pm last night Debbie was driving to work in my 2003 Pontiac Grand Prix when something happened to cause her to leave the road about 2 miles West of the town of Verden...The car rolled and she died at the scene

How could this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? Why did some unknown force decide to flatten my soul EXACTLY to the day 31 years later after my Dad's death on October 22,1977? Why was she taken from me just as we were to re-new our lives? How am I supposed to go forward in this life when the person who knew me best has passed beyond my grasp? WHY? WHY? WHY?

I am at a loss for words...I am sitting in this house alone with only the memories to haunt me.

If you don't see me on the Ledge in the foreseeable future, you will know why. My soul has been damaged beyond repair.