Well, I'm sitting here having exhausted myself to the point I cannot let my guard down or something may happen (I can understand why the M.E. told me "You wouldn't believe how many people harm themselves after such traumatic news").
I have all the arrangements for her burial, which will be Tuesday at 2pm.
I picked out on of her nursing uniforms for her to wear as she is laid to rest, since we had (In the past) talked about that 'inevitable' time that could occur (I figured I would pass before she would). Picked out the headstone and all the other related issues that go with a funeral.
I had the funeral director place a handmade double-wedding band ring quilt in her casket along with 2 handmade Raggiedy-Ann and Andy dolls (The quilt and dolls were made by my Mom as presents for Debbie). He asked if I would like to view her, I declined - I cannot deal with that...I am STILL HAUNTED by seeing my Mom in that manner.
The (car) insurance company have been PRICKS to me...Showing ZERO regard to this tragedy. They dont care that Debbie died, all they WANT is their f**kin' $$$$. Hadn't even been 24 hours after the accident and they were ALREADY concerned about their OWN SELF-INTEREST over my interest. They act as if the car was not a total lost...The front axle was bent and broken, the tires were bent from vertical to horizontal, If that isnt proof of being TOTALLED then I dont know I can find an example that will show what TOTALLED is.
Questions continue to run through my head "Did someone force her off the road?" "Did someone see something noone else saw that night and not report it?" "How was the car located if others on the highway did not see the accident?"
I plan to post an ad in the local newspapers asking if someone may have seen something that night. I have her cellphone (Which was in her purse, which was with her until the funeral home received her body) and I know what time the hospital placed calls trying to locate her (11:23pm) - and I know the EXACT time she left the house (9:50 pm). Someone somewhere had to see something...There are oil-rigs in that general area and those truck PLOW off onto the highway without regard for others at ALL times of the night, I even encountered a few of those trucks without any lighting (Tail/Head/Brake) at night with the same car she died in.
Sitting here alone in the house...Hangin' in there the best I can.
I grieve in private...I don't like people to see me at my most vunerable.
Thank God I have prescribed propoxyphene (100M) to take to calm my SHATTERED NERVES & SOUL.
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