Quote:
Originally Posted by louielouie2000
I think it's pretty safe to say most everyone has traumatic events from their childhood that cause them to act differently as adults. I know for the first half of my childhood things were pretty crazy. My parents went through a violent divorce when I was between the ages of 3 & 4; and my Mother, Father, & Stepfather were all drug addicts/alcoholics. My Mom and Stepdad finally got their act together when I was 10; but my Father's addiction claimed him when I was 13 (he was murdered by a drug dealer). Interestingly enough, I rebelled from all the insanity by being a model child: I made good grades, never got into trouble, was respectful to elders, I didn't have my first drink until I was 22, I never took up smoking, have kept away from drugs, was the first in my extended family to graduate from college, etc.
I think the only real downside per se from my parents insanity when I was a kid is that I can be quite emotionally distant. Especially when things get unpleasant, I seem to just totally shut down my emotions and go into "safe mode." For instance, I've yet to cry when someone I know dies, I tend to cut people out of my life who are a constant source of drama, I don't rely on others for emotional support, stuff like that. Apparently all of this is quite common in children of addicts; it's a defense mechanism. Because of all of this my Mother has often accused me of being cold and uncaring.
For instance, my younger brother is a violent addict who can be quite sweet and charming during his brief dry-out spells. Because of years of complete insanity from my brother, I keep him at a very far distance in my life. This absolutely infuriates my Mother, because she thinks I should be there trying to help him straighten out his life, and should be more supportive and involved during his clean spells. But I just can't have my Brother in my life; he's a human tornado who just rips everyone to pieces who is nearby. I won't enable him by cleaning up his messes, I won't allow him to treat me poorly, and I won't pretend to forget the things he's done to my parents and I. My brother is emotionally dead to me, and I've even found myself praying for his death just so he'll stop hurting the world.
Anyway, life is what you make of it, though. I've chosen to take all the bad things that have happened to me and tried to glean life lessons from them. I think creating positive from negative is one of the most beautiful things you can do in life. For instance, I just don't know how much I'd be able to appreciate beauty and kindness and it's depth without having experienced some of the unsavory things I have. Since my brother likes to steal and leach from so many, I try to volunteer and give back to worthy causes. I see so many hateful, rude, unkind people in the world... so I make it a point to smile at strangers and say hello. The world is what we make of it... so why not make it happy and beautiful?
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I never knew any of this, Louie. I'm glad I do now.
This is in interesting question for me because I'm in the process of walking way from "childhood" and into adulthood. I have no idea what I'll be like in 10 or 20 years but I already know that I've been emotionally unattached to my parents for years now and yet they've still affected me DRAMATICALLY.
My mom modeled in everything from Playboy to Versace ads. I had a LOT of pressure growing up to model, too, so I did. I modeled from birth (I was a Gerber baby) until I was 13, modeling as an adult for makeup and fashion designers. I had been fighting the urge to pick up an eating disorder since I was around 9 and my mom didn't help-- she put me in ballet classes which obviously made it much worse, and she'd make her own comments about how I wasn't "runway worthy." So I told her to STFU when I was thirteen and I quit. I was pretty much anorexic for a while and I didn't want to deal with it anymore. So I stopped ballet and modeling and told my parents to use my modeling money for horseback riding lessons
However, this mentality is FAR from gone for me.... I'm completely paranoid about what I look like at all times. I never leave my room without wearing cute clothes and having my hair and makeup done, I need male reassurance to feel half-decent about myself.... and I feel like these things come from the pressure I had growing up to be an archetype.
Also, my mom is bipolar and, as her psychologist once said (she refuses to see a psychiatrist after the bipolar diagnosis), she as "schizophrenic tendencies." My dad's an alcoholic. This combination lead to some not-so-fun childhood memories, so I lived somewhere else for a year until they kinda figured their **** out. I'm really independent because I had to be. I have a love/hate relationship with alcohol and any other type of drug. I desperately want to trust people but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm petrified of being a parent. For me, I think it all ties back to my parents.