[TrueFaith77]

American Idol
Season 8 - Semi-Finals Round 1

Ryan Seacrest kicks off Season 8 proper by repeating Simon Cowell's seasonal Semi-Finals lie/advice for the contestants to advance in the competition: "Sing well." The judges throw that criteria out the window, of course, as they talk about "likability" and how demonstrably bad, unprofessional performers deserve votes from America. With that said, I will take the bait for the season's first breakdown: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly. In this breakdown, I rank (preferentially) the performers based on "singing well." Based on that criteria, it was not pretty last night.

The Good

Tatiana Del Toro -- "Saving All My Love For You" -- Last night, Tatiana represented everything -- objectively -- that this contest is about: finding a singer who can interpret a song in an interesting, commercial, attractive manner. In other words, Idol is not a search for the next geniuses, the next Aretha Franklin or Morrissey; Idol seeks out the next Whitney Houston, the next Celine Dion, maybe the next Britney. These are not "artists," per se, but they can deliver a song, and, thus, the song's sentiments. But you also couldn't mistake the singers for anyone else; that's part of why they sell. Last night, Tatiana took on a Whitney Houston hit -- and once again made it entirely her own. Her high notes and emotional tones made the song's other-woman angst poignant; her poise earned the audience's attention. I would rank it among the best performances I've ever seen on Idol. If the judges were honest, they would have declared that Tatiana is what Idol "is all about" (and recognized that unlike 9 of the other contestants, she chose the right song). But they lie. They feign shock that she can sing, while trying to draw out the "crazy." Perhaps if Tatiana had received the accolades from the judges that she deserved, we might have seen some more of that signature enthusiasm. Instead, Tatiana emphasized things in her personality that make no sense to TV-minded judges: the desire to get her "music" released (Simon mistakes that for the desire to be "famous" because that's all he undrstands) and her explanation for her refreshingly open emotions during the audition rounds: that, as a "woman," she is "multi-faceted" (recognizing the show's misogyny and reduction of personality to product). One couldn't miss Tatiana's distinctiveness when she closed out her song with a perfect extended siren note, then her, yes, eroticized sense of release at the end of the song: throwing back her head into the light, awash with the applause. She deserved the standing "O". She achieved beauty.

The Bad

Alexis Grace -- "I Never Loved a Man" -- The "Bad" here did something the "Ugly" didn't: they attended the stage like professionals. But that doesn't mean they were good. Alexis mostly hit her notes (except when she strained on the highs and lows), but the peformance was all affectation; it completely lacked the original, meaningful interpretation that Tatiana showed so well. Tatiana lived up to Whitney; Alexis paled in comparison to Aretha.

Danny Gokey -- "Hero" -- He reduced pop emotions to silly calls for people to find the hero in themselves (unlike Tatiana's dramatic representation of universal emotion). This was the most repugnant performance of the night for me. Every cheesy inflection repulsed: from the growl on "inside of you" to the melissma on "sur-v-I-vah" to the finger-pointing closer on "A hero lies in you." However, I can't deny that every cheesy inflection sounded in tune. He did what he believes entertains an audience -- and gets Idol votes. In other words, "the bad" at least take the competition seriously.

The U-G-L-Y (You ain't got no alibi)

Anoop Desai -- "Angel of Mine" -- Anoop returned the song that first turned him onto r&b. Hasn't he heard anything better since?

Ricky Braddy -- "A Song For You" -- Nice voice, but he looked like an ostrich dancing to an Elliot Yamin record.

Ann Marie Boskovitch -- "Natural Woman" -- Competent performance, but absolutely no connection to the song or the audience.

Jackie Tohn -- "A Little Less Conversation" -- Fun, but totally karoake.

Stephen Fowler -- "Rock With You" -- Good voice; no awareness of himself as a performer.

What's Grosser Than Gross?

Michael Sarver -- "I Don't Want To Be" -- Hilariously Paula recaps all former Idol performances of this song: Elliot, Chris R, Bo Bice. And every single one of them was ten times better at it.

Casey Carlson -- "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" -- I never laughed harder during an Idol performance in my life.

Stevie Wright -- "You Belong With Me" -- Even more a mess than Casey, but not funny.

Brent Keith -- "Hicktown" -- Perhaps the worst performance I've ever seen at this stage of Idol, it offends because in every manner of its conception, there was no recognizable desire to please the crowd (Michael S, Casey C. and Stevie W. just aren't capable of it, but they tried).