This was not washed today, so after some shrieks
I decided to go to the local laundromat

I poured detergent, I turned the black knob
I watched it rinse until all the must was gone
And the reason that I washed it in that machine
And the reason I recall the sound of Ledgie's gasping

Eeek! It got cut off! :eek:

I was born wearing black
So I know what is slimming...
Well try it on...it's a new design
But it's as black as this one...no colors

Well this is the first thing,
That I've worn
Since I wore my Mirror bustier...
And then I gained much weight
Well Atkins made me downsize my plate...no starch
People were free to eat sugar and McD's, not me
But then something happened...with my implants
Something broke those implants...into pieces

Someone continue it...:laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

the whole thing is great...but i busted a gut just with that first line!

To the tune of Joan of Arc

They wanted variety when black was all you'd give them
They depended upon old pictures
Calling the pictures your prime of life
And they came in tired
And they said "this is the last time I pay $150.00"
Well I can't see black again
Stevie Nicks...this time

Return it to the Wal-Mart
Return it at the Wal-Mart now
Return it to the Wal-Mart
Queen of Rock

Return it to the Wal-Mart
Return it at the Wal-Mart now
Whoa, no, there's really nothing
That you can't wear anyhow; red or
cream will make you look better

Well there's a few other colors in the manegerie
Try pink, white or cream
Because that black is what we're sick of
And they don't even know what your legs look like

Turn to the wall
Turn it to the wall
Joan of Arc

Ooh, turn to the wall
Turn to the wall baby
Turn it to the wall child

Gone like the wind
Like the sun in the dusk
Well her little little black dress
Is covered with dust
And your beautiful eyes
Whoa, well, they look good with red now
Why don't you wear something else?
We've seen it all before, it is a tiresome wardrobe
The wardrobe mistress storms out, hearing the door slamming
Behind her
Ooh, she asked "why the hell the cardigan?"

He said "Return it to the Wal-Mart"
Return it to the Wal-Mart
Return it to the Wal-Mart, baby
You go up and get to Wal-Mart now
Return it to the Wal-Mart Nicks.

Ooh...return it to the Wal-Mart baby
Return it to the Wal-Mart now
Ooh...get over to the Wal-Mart
Well you can change it once, this time

Return it to the Wal-Mart baby
Return it to the Wal-Mart
Oh,no,oh,no,oh,no...
So turn it to the Wal-Mart baby
She says "Is there anything else you can wear
To make you look better?"
So just return it to the Wal-Mart, baby
Return it the Wal-Mart
Oh, no, there's really nothing that you can't wear
Return it to the Wal-Mart, Nicks

Ooh, return it to the Wal-Mart
Return it to the Wal-Mart now
Get over to the Wal-Mart
Stevie Nicks

DRESSED IN MOURNING ("Monday Morning")

Dressed in mourning I don't look fine
New day stick same clothes on my behind
Fabric's real black, then it fades away
My dream's to keep on dressing this same way
I got nothing but fear of the new
Love old sketches that my friend Margi drew
First time I wore this, I felt my dreams unwind
But it's a frumpy kind
It's a frumpy kind
I'll stay in black if my look stays true
No other trend that could ever do
Got to get lace wedgie out of behind

Dressed in mourning my look ain't fine
New day skirt's dragging on my tired behind
First you see me, then you say it's wrong
I don't think any skirt can be too long
But my solo tour hat is plumed
Shed fur sticks to dress, as my Yorkies are groomd
I meet Tom Petty, at Four Seasons we dine
He says I'm fine
Says I'm fine
My stronger self dances at the news
While Lindsey tries with Gift of Screws
Got to leave mob widow look behind

- Jake

TEAR IT UP

Well, come on, dowdy Stevie, let's tear that BlackDress up
Come on, dowdy Stevie, let us see you wear new stuff
Come on, dowdy Stevie, tear cardigan up
Tear it up, tear it up, tear it up, tear it up
Well, poster child for A-A-R-P, tear that granny frock up

Well, dress is on for Goodbye Baby, it's been worn a long, long time
You're wearing old clothes, Stevie, gonna be smelled a long, long time
Well, call over Margi, she'll show you her new spring line
Tear it up, tear it up, tear it up, tear it up
Well, come on, Stevie, what's with the Ellis Island get-up?


- Jake

I didn't realise there were so many nutters on here :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:


Tally ho


Lorraine :):wavey:

DON'T LET ME DRESS ME
(Cover of Pink's "Don't Let Me Get Me")

I never wear new lace
I don't support the dream
I don't drink libations
And my 'Boks are never clean

Eagles dated me
Lindsey hated me
I was aging bird in flight
'Cause I don't change any night

Everyday I wear BlackDress before the mirror
Can't take BlackWidow staring back at me

I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me dress me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you won't change yourself
So irritating
Don't want to be same old no more
I gotta ditch this old BlackDress

Ledgies told me
Your look's black as tar
All you have to change
Is out of tired dress you are
Tired of obnoxious kiss
Between Madge and Brittney Spears
They're so slutty
That just ain't me
So Margi Margi, won't you please design me something?
A day in the dress of someone else

I'm a hazard in this dress
Don't let me dress me
I'm an unchanged oddity
It's bad when you won't change your dress
So eerie stinking
Don't want Darth Vader look no more
I wanna wear some brand new dress

- Jake