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See Me Slant: Poetry Considers Her Mother by Kim Dana Kupperman


I am a woman who slants. Standing, I lean into my right hip. When I catch myself doing this, I realign, redistribute my weight, and establish that poise my mother would be proud of, standing as if a book were balanced on my head, my neck full of understated attitude, my eyes focused on an object across the room, hips symmetrical. My mother insisted that I practice this posture, the dictionary resting on the crown of my skull, shoulders fluid, my gait as smooth as suede. I crossed the room several times as she watched, and this practice always occurred in silence, as if spoken words might topple all that vocabulary just above my head. Whenever we went out in public together, my mother, taller than I, would bend slightly and whisper, “Stand up straight.”

My mother gave me this body, the one that slants while standing, and she worked hard to ensure that I’d have a voice of dusk for those words that teetered on my head, along with the common sense to pause and rearrange myself when aslant. She gave me practical advice—where to dash, how to shape my nails into commas, what style to wear, who to date, when to use a period. And when I was older, my mother instructed me in the art of reading between the lines, and how to catch (as if they were fireflies) the words that live in the mind. She showed me how to care for my lips so they’d be useful, and how to keep my tongue clean so as not to disturb the ecology of what I tasted.

I grew up in my mother’s body. On the long, wide savanna of her back, I pretended to be grass. In the fertile crescent beneath her breast, I hid like a turtle. At the twin beaches of her thighs, I invented waves. I browsed in the orchard of her hair. Found safety in the coves between her toes. She offered me these landscapes connected to her body, along with a universe beyond—the constellation of her mind and the momentum of her orbit. She could fold herself into a boat simply by wrapping her arms around me. My mother comprised all these dimensions at once—the place of arrival and point of departure, the act of journey, the vessel that affords passage, the North Star that guides.

As a child, I listened carefully to my mother, watching her mouth as it shaped what it uttered, imitating how she touched her lip in a coy-mistress kind of way as she hesitated to locate the perfect word, my ear against her chest as she fashioned a sentence out of thin air. She was always leaving language around the house for me to find, asking me to celebrate ordinary things like fishhouses or oranges, and to consider extraordinary ideas like the design of an oyster or the curve of time or the progress of a beating heart.

My mother divided time into stanzas. Matins we sang to the breaking day and last vestiges of starlight. Before lunch, we washed windows and banished the dust, setting the house in order like any mother and her daughter. She showed me how to organize the bureaus into sonnets, folding fourteen articles of clothing mixed in color and utility into each drawer. How to iron out the wrinkles and sew on the buttons. Afternoons, we painted haiku on the bathroom mirror and looked at our reflected faces webbed in the seventeen syllables of our design. At twilight we cleaned our pens, repaired the spines of books, and my mother hummed a tune for the rising darkness. It was always at this hour, the moment between day and night (the hour when a wolf might be mistaken for a dog, as they say in French), that she rested her teacup on the table, leaned toward me, and told me things she knew. Like the true names of the birds. Or that each person I encountered would be as full of stories as the great library rumored to have stood at Alexandria. That she named me Poetry to keep her body alive, a fleshy dialogue across the ages.

After dinner, she opened all the doors and windows in the house and I explored. She always hid something for me, in the closets or the attic, under my bed, in the medicine cabinet. A moth wing. A swatch of black velvet. A lead pencil. A bell jar. A copy of National Geographic from 1918. A wild iris. A blackbird feather.

I always started my exploration in the house, sometimes running from room to room, sometimes standing still and closing my eyes, focusing my entire inside self to picture where she had hidden the latest treasure. After I located and studied the gift she had secreted away, I went outside. We stood in the frame of the front door, my mother and I, until she stretched her arms out to the night.

“This is your backyard,” she always said. “Play in it all you want, but come home when you’re ready.”

I learned to see in the dark this way, to stand so still that I could hear a spider repair its web, smell the breath of trees, sense the dance of water murmuring beneath my feet. Sometimes I held my tongue out, trying to catch a solitary raindrop. When it snowed, I took off my shoes.

As I grew older, I yearned to hold hands with the darkness, to shape it into a person whom I could bravely face and tell my secrets. I longed to build a house of night for my secret-keeper, a dwelling that smelled like moss and safety where we might lie down as lovers and tell each other stories until daybreak. There I sat, alone in the geography of desire, summoning a human form with a human heart, remembering to choose each word as if the wrong word at the wrong time might dissolve my lover’s hands. I was never ready to go home, never tired of playing this game.

My mother knew that I would not return once I wandered in the place she had invented for me. She did not want me to be nostalgic for her, for our house, for the gifts she left me.

“That was the point,” she always said, “that you’d become a cartographer, that you’d know how to come home even if you didn’t want to.”

She was an expert at redefining and expanding desire’s boundaries, pushing me against that uncomfortable edge you must navigate to reach clarity. Because my mother was expansive in imagination, I was able to steer beyond the melancholic pulse and the cynical wink, and out into the land, not to be silenced as some have been silenced who move into the world, but to make it part of memory’s biography. Infuse it with images and sounds and that invisible thing in the gut that falls through the center of the body when one is alarmed or aroused, stunned or stunning.

The day she died, my mother reminded me to care for memory as if it were my child.

“No tarrying too long in the backyard,” she said.

But I could see the coy-as-a-coy-mistress smile (something my father had inspired in her, I am sure) tugging once again at her lips, and I knew she was not completely serious. I believe she was telling me instead to take all that I remembered with me, as if it had a hand I could hold, a body I could love, the acuity to rename everything possessed of a beating heart.

When I lean into my right hip, it is as if I were trying to lean into another body, place my head on its chest. Sometimes I feel the heat of a torso, the bone of the hip, an arm, like the secret-keeper I made of night in the topography mapped of my mother’s body and mind. And often I hear its voice.

“Stand up straight,” it always says.

Also: Liv Tyler. We're the same height and built similarly, so her movies/photos/etc. always make me want to exercise some serious self control and eat nothing and work out like crazy. Sigh.

I kinda want a mother like that...

What inspires me:

• Music and any other form of art.
• My sister...
• Animals for some odd reason lol (cats mostly...)
• and Michael J. Fox's attitude about...everything

* Music which is probably a given
* The Poetry of Pablo Neruda, Sylvia Plath and Byron
* Celebrity and Iconography (Especially influential in my art)
* Long walks in the bad weather

Three awesome writers :) Ever read anything by Jimmy Santiago Baca? A very Nerudan feel to his stuff.

How art thou lost! how on a sudden lost,
Defaced, deflowered, and now to death devote!
Rather, how hast thou yielded to transgress
The strict forbiddance, how to violate
The sacred fruit forbidden! Some cursed fraud
Of enemy hath beguiled thee, yet unknown,
And me with thee hath ruined; for with thee
Certain my resolution is to die:
How can I live without thee! how forego
Thy sweet converse, and love so dearly joined,
To live again in these wild woods forlorn!
Should God create another Eve, and I
Another rib afford, yet loss of thee
Would never from my heart: no, no! I feel
The link of Nature draw me: flesh of flesh,
Bone of my bone thou art, and from thy state
Mine never shall be parted

http://www.leeds.ac.uk/library/adopt...ics/milton.jpg

"Everybody has a secret world inside of them.
All of the people of the world, I mean everybody.
No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside,
inside them they've all got unimaginable,
magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe."

http://bestdamncreativewritingblog.c...eil-gaiman.jpg

"I don't understand it. Jack will spend any amount of money to buy votes,
but he balks at investing a thousand dollars in a beautiful painting. "

http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/fash...collective.jpg

"What I've got, I have earned.
What I'm not, baby, I have learned."

http://www.imusicdaily.com/wp-conten..._shirtless.jpg

"Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people."

http://www.quotationsofwisdom.com/po...sevelt_009.jpg

Find more here: likeawillow.tumblr.com

As 14 year old girl as it sounds, my favorite singers.

-Stevie
-Christine
-Madonna
-Marilyn Manson
-Janet Jackson
-Brian Molko
-Morrissey

Also, the universe and movies centered around empowering black women :laugh:

Oh Marissa, you and your Milton.

"I myself have never been able to find out what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...becca_West.jpg

"If we had a keen vision and feeling of all ordinary human life, it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we should die of that roar which lies on the other side of silence."

http://daily.greencine.com/middlemarch-160l.jpg

Can't you just HEAR it in your head, though? He's about the bite the f*cking apple. What do John Milton and Forrest Gump have in common? They know what love is.

BOOK NINE FOREVER!

But one from Book Four, just for funsies.

"Which way I flie is Hell; my. self. am. Hell;

^ Satan.

I havn't but I will now that he's been reccomended :P

Lately I've been getting a lot of inspiration from taking long scooter rides up into the Texas Hill Country west of Austin. The Hill Country is just so gorgeous... big rolling hills, spring fed rivers and creeks, crystal clear turquoise water everywhere, 30 mile vistas at every turn, it's just wonderful. Seeing the world from two wheels is almost spiritual. Like one of my friends recently said: 4 wheels moves the body, two wheels moves the soul. :) Scootering is just a wonderful way for me to clear my mind, and remind myself of what's important.

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._1775546_n.jpg
The orange one is mine :woohoo:

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._4646683_n.jpg
Please disregard the helmet hair! :eek:

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-...8_719060_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5004606_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._5371910_n.jpg

http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._4484165_n.jpg
One does have to stop and refill with margaritas, of course... :thumbsup:

My biggest inspiration is Patti Smith.
http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/...Smith--006.jpg

If I read something written by her (in particular her decriptive prose) or listen to her music or spoken word I feel a wonderful surge of inspiration and willingness to study, write or paint.

Obviously, Deborah Ann Harry.

http://api.ning.com/files/yvcarzhnyT..._2891418_n.jpg

Not as much as Patti in the physical inspiration but Debster inspires me to keep going emotionally. There's times - right now, in fact - that the only reason I wake up in the morning is to make sure she is ok and that that show she did the night before was good and that the band enjoyed themselves. If I didn't see her face looking over from above my desk, there would be many mornings on which I would have just cried myself back to sleep.

My mummy, who I won't inclue a photo of because she'd never forgive me.

She's worked so hard in so many ways to keep my sister and I safe. If ever there was an angel that has walked this earth, it's my Mum. She's been to hell and back and she's currently there now but she comes back fighting and she and I help eachother through a hell of a lot.

Johnny Boy, Suzi Quatro and Jackie Fox.

http://www.emginc.com/content/artist.../johnmcvie.jpghttp://i.ytimg.com/vi/7wbJfdW7NVg/0.jpghttp://woots.homestead.com/JackieFox2.jpg

John because he's John and there will never be a better bass player IMO. Suzi and Jackie (former original Bass player of The Runaways) because they're girls who've defied a lot to become outstanding bassists. They're both as tiny as me too! Suzi and I stand at the same height and have the same handspan ;)

For some reason, the movie 'Gone With The Wind' inspires and soothes me. These past days; the first and second nights at this house I've just moved into, I was scared and felt like it wasn't home. I've watched the film at least a half a dozen times previously, but putting 'GWTW' in my laptop and taking my time with it over a few days, during breaks from unpacking and heavy lifting made all the difference. By the closing lines 'After all, tomorrow is another day" I felt like I was at home and stopped mourning my old residence, and my cat seems to feel happier and settled now, too. Took about six days, if today is Sept. 6, which I think it is.
This morning, I took time to just be still in bed with Stevie's 'Soundstage Sessions' cd from start to finish, and that was nice time with the babycat after 'SB' finished, which seemed too raucous to her. After it ended, she jumped up to lay with me and we listened to the rest of the cd, both of us happy and purring :)

-God Grew Tired of Us. When I read this, it simply reminds me to do better.
-Life is Beautiful
-Kindness. Especially when no one is looking.

My favorite inspiration is from Acts in the King James New Testament, I just find such poetry in it and a meaningful truth that nothing and no-one can take away from me. It's this:

"The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of The Lord. And everyone who calls on The Name of The Lord will be saved."

Italics mine. Everyone. Not just all 'normal' people with their husbands or wives and children. Everyone. That one passage has the power to shut a lot of people up; but more importantly, it proves that salvation is for the asking, for all who want it.
I just think it's beautiful, with no desire to get all 'religious' about it here.
It's just the greatest inspiration within me.

My greatest inspiration would be my two children. They just naturally inspire me everyday to try to be the best mother\person that I can possibly be.

Then, music, the ocean, my faith, and will power.

"The woman who cherished her suffering is dead. I am her descendant. I love the scar-tissue she handed on to me, but I want to go on from here with you fighting the temptation to make a career of pain." - Stanza VIII from Adrienne Rich’s “Twenty-One Love Poems”

Martin L. Gore.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Niw94...eature=related

Stevie and Oprah, what more inspiration does the world need! :laugh:

***like***

Guitars...

Did this girl (woman) make an appearance on Happy Days???

Also, that man is incredibly humble. Makes him that much cooler!

Leather Tuscadero!!!! LOL

-the love my husband has for me
- the smell of autumn
- moonlight against the snow in the morning before the sun rises
- the color of the ocean in ixtapa, mexico
- perfectly formed tiny flowers
- breezy summer nights under the stars
- glimpsing rare things in nature

A complete stranger called me Leather Tuscadero once. When I told him I actually play bass, he nearly fell off his chair because I knew who he was talking about :laugh:

omg that's hilarious!!! :lol:

http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t...otis/suzi1.jpg

Inspirations:

Peter Green
Leon Russell
Duane Allman
Eric Clapton
BB King
Robert Johnson
Bob Dylan
John Lennon
George Harrison
Pete Townshend
Bob Welch
Rick Vito
Miles Davis
Bob Marley
Jack Kerouac
Johnny Depp
Ghandi
Martin Luther King Jr
John F Kennedy
Robert F Kennedy
Buddah
Jesus Of Nazareth
Moses
Krishna

Life of Mahatma Gandhi

AHA!
I knew it. Happy Days was one
of my favorite shows when I was
a child. Eeek... does that date me
or what?

Did Leather like Riche? The Fonze
had Pinky, so I'm guessing it
was Riche. Please, please not Ralph
Mouth or Potsie.

Jason Becker: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmKuLtdPklU
That link is all I need to say, taught me to try and drop almost all my negativity and to appreciate life in general.
Fleetwood Mac: I was getting bored of music before I started listening to FM, in a hard rock rut. They brought me out of it and made me love music again.
Georgie (ButterCookie): Not nearly enough characters to list all the reasons.
John McVie: In addition to Fleetwood Mac because I now strive to be as cool as John one day. I know it'll probably never happen but can't hurt to try :nod:

I loved this show as a kid, too. I thought it was Ralph Malph.

Um. Marry me. Now.

Lately, this.....

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/8...xoloughlin.jpg
http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/3...oloughlin3.jpg
http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/7...oloughlin4.jpg
http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/4...oloughlin5.jpg

^ Those green.eyes!! :]

Uh huh. And I just love wavy hair too ;) :lol: , but it still looks good short.

You might be right Jannie. I'd always thought it was Mouth because
he was always running his. Remember the corny jokes?

Of course. And you're probably right; who knows- great show, though. I always liked the first Arnold. Laverne and Shirley came on right after Happy Days, I think.

Yeah, who knows? I liked the first Arnold too. The first couple of
seasons were much better. Fonzie was a little tougher character in
the begining.

I remember Laverne and Shirley appearing on Happy Days. There
characters were much different than what they would become on
their own show, especially Shirley's. I never really cared for that
show, but what else did we have to choose from back then?

So Jannie, did you also watch Giligan's Island and The
Brady Bunch? I grew up on those and Scooby Doo.